It’s not enough to say, “It’s human to err… nobody is perfect”. Although that’s true, it says nothing about the real perils of a perfectionist attitude. The realm of perfectionism is deeper and wider than what we normally thought. Does the following sound familiar? If yes, you have perfectionist tendencies which need to be cured:
Let me frankly admit that my college life suffered great blows due to my own unrealistic expectations. That’s perfectionism in action – to set your expectations so high that it’s almost impossible to reach them. Before putting my mind into studying a particular subject, these were the unspoken conditions (expectations) that I unconsciously set for myself:
1. The teacher has to be the best one for this subject
2. I should be very interested in the subject or else it’l be boring
3. The class timings should meet my needs
4. It has to be atmost a one hour class
5. There should be no over-achiever in the class or else it will shadow my achievements
6. The teacher should have a good rapport with the students before I can start liking the subject
As you can see, these expectations are unrealistic and ones which I couldn’t influence anyway. Naturally, most of the above unspoken conditions were never met, which left me utterly disappointed and drained my motivation to study. Perfectionism, as you’ll read further, is an All-Or-Nothing deal.
Perfectionists are extremists in the real sense of the word. If you have such tendencies in the area of wealth, then you either see yourself as becoming the richest person without much struggle or the poorest one despite continuous effort. There’s no in-between.
When it comes to relationships, the perfectionist expects each and every encounter with people to be a series of positive events. There’s absolutely no room for negative emotions in the vernacular of a perfectionist. Ironically, this is why a perfectionist might suffer from chronic depression because in the real world, receiving an occasional frown and mundane disagreements is normal.
Health is another aspect where perfectionism shows it’s ugly face. And I have been wearing this face for a long time now. I always thought that the only remedy to my weight problem is to be very thin. It never occurred to me that I can live a happy life even if I was a little fat.
For a perfectionist, there’s no middle ground. He sees the world in black and white. Either he’s successful or a he’s a looser, nothing in between that would make him happy. A perfectionist is a narrow-minded freak who would focus only on the destination, the journey itself would be meaningless to him. He despises the process of attaining a goal. It works like a spiral leading to doom: Whenever Mr. Perfectionist achieves a goal, he puts his eyes on the next impossible goal and then the next, and then the next. In this pursuit of satisfaction, a perfectionist never finds satisfaction. And therefore, is never happy. So much that when some famous perfectionists couldn’t find satisfaction in life, they committed suicide, for example: Alasdaire Clayre, a successful Oxford scholar and Vincent Foster, Bill Clinton’s deputy.
The point is, happiness is about enjoying the process while learning from mistakes and not the obsession of reaching goals in the first shot . And now it makes sense to say that it’s human to err.
I might examine the concept of perfectionism in more detail in the next post, until then….
{othman}
This is SO true! I have always considered myself an OCP (Obsessive Compulsive Perfectionist; a term that I put up together and means obsessing about something and repeating it over and over again until perfection is achieved.
I can totally relate about the college life part, I have always demanded perfection from my tutors and criticized them when they failed to deliver. I always wanted the classes to be engaging and interactive, or I would just lose interest and get bored. But that didn't mean that I didn't ace every course even though I didn't study hard because I also loved enjoying other things in my time.
The part about emotions and depression is also so true. I avoid human interactions that could be filled with disputes or negative emotions. My idea of a relationship (whether friendship or romance) is absolutely problem-free… Talk about high expectations!
Although I am not the all-or-nothing type, I would aim for all but could settle for less if I was convinced it was all I can get. I managed to find the grey area in most of the aspects of life.
Great post and sorry for the long comment!
Thanks for the comments
I am glad you found my article useful. Guess I am an OCP too! And that's the first step to cure perfectionism – to acknowledge that we have perfectionist tendencies!
Thanks for visiting and sharing your experiences.
i loved sketching and drawing alot…2 d point that i wanted 2 take up interior designin as in our society becoming an artist is just unpractical…..due to some circumstances i wasnt allowed to leave Bahrain 2 study it all…but….i still went to pakistan 2 sit 4 s entrance exams just 4 d sake of it d ri8 next day i landed in lahore….there they asked to sketch live people within just 2 to 3 hours…..my first time attempting somthing like this….n i did pretty good…..i remember one of the professors walking up to me and telling me that i would get seleted but i told him that i couldnt stay in Pakistan even though i love art-id jst have 2 giv it all up bt him telling me that i could get in meant the world 2 me….he asked me thn if i wz a perfectionist?….confusd abt hw he knew…i jst nodded…..he thn said…u knw wa ur sketch is missin in becomin a perfect portrait?….again i had no answer…..he laughd n told me tht az a piece of advice….2 remember that nothings perfect and everythin around u is beautiful because of its imperfections…….never draw nythin in a perfect shape….think about this as a food 4 thought whenever u miss art……n since thn….iv noticed that imperfection makez beauty……no flower wil ever have perfect petalz….no beautiful girl will have all the perfect features…..n never r d could aligned in a perfect patern……
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, nothing's perfect indeed and no one should ever strive for perfection in all the things he/she does. Please note that, perfectionism as it relates to our personal lives, is a psychological condition which can lead to obsessive-compulsive disorder. Doctors and psychologists understand this best. This has nothing to do with what we've been taught about perfectionism in our religious lectures in school! They make perfection seem like a desirable goal, but that's a different thing altogether. I hope it's clear that's not what I've been talking about here.